Enduring dating experience
How many dates do I need to spark the spark of love between my two hearts?
Love is not science. There are no axioms and formulas.
And dating is very different from the rules of the game that we are familiar with in the academic workplace. Sometimes it is never “a work and a harvest”. Some people go smoothly, some people have to look for it.
Is dating really unjustifiable?
Can we only hit the luck in the labyrinth with two eyes at a glance?
Psychologists have extracted 7 rules from the experiences of countless couples, increasing your dating success rate!
60 years ago, grandmother married “grandfather’s word” to her grandparents, and their wedding night was their first meeting. Thirty years ago, her mother was introduced by the organization to come together with her father for a common revolutionary goal.
They haven’t even heard the word “dating,” but they have always lived in harmony under the same roof, walking hand in hand through silver, golden and even diamond weddings.
And women of our generation can freely pursue true love in their hearts, freely date, and have many choices, but often face emotional distress.
When dating from nothing to public, from underground to public, from shy to confess to becoming a show off, women finally further mastered their own happiness, but at the same time had to accept that this option bringsSome troubles.
The rules we really have at school and in the workplace don’t seem to apply to dating.
Someone is going all the way, but others need to go back and forth looking for food. There is no date, it is anxious, too many dates, and some people are dazzled.
Occasionally, “cooked” happiness flies.
With a little inattention, Mr. May may pass you by.
How to find true love in my heart?
There is no fixed equation for this problem.
But this does not mean that we can only hit the luck with one glance.
Psychologists have summed up several strategies from the success and failure experiences of countless couples, greatly increasing your chance of dating success!
Dating rule 1 gives romance a chance, you have to get out of the house first!
Go to a concert after work, the goddess of luck may arrange you to sit side by side with a handsome guy, he may take the initiative to talk to you during the meeting, both sides feel very happy, they exchange mobile phone numbers . But if you everWith a life of two points and one line, it is impossible to leave the house outside of work, and the “house” is used as a sofa potato in the living room of its own, so a similar encounter is unlikely.
Will Prince Charming come upstairs and knock on your door?
Well, maybe he happens to be a plumber in a building property.
Even online romance will eventually have to be “exposed” one day.
So, the first step to a successful date is to dress up and get out of the house.
You who are lively and extrovert may meet the right person at a friend’s party or unit party; you who are active in the sun, gym, outdoor club, Che Youhui are all good choices; do n’t you who are busy in the workplaceForgot to find like-minded confidantes in various charging classes.
In addition, elegant Internet cafes, bars, tea houses, and coffee shops are also good places for romantic encounters.
Dating Rule 2 is only good enough. Isn’t there the best you can have such experience?
In a dazzling array of shopping malls, butterflies wore flowers like diamonds, and they wanted to choose the best of their kind, but in the end they picked their eyes.
Consumer psychologists have long discovered that too many goods can disrupt our minds.
And Barry Schwartz, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore College in the United States, believes that too, in today’s dating market, too many choices can make people frustrated.
He suggested that when you buy the same product, your goal should be “good enough”, not “best.”
But he found it difficult to persuade Shangui to apply this strategy to dating.
Jun A has a car and a house, but the appearance is not flat; Jun B is gentle and considerate, but lacks opinion; C Jun is Confucian and savvy, but somewhat narcissistic; D Jun is a muscular man, but serious macho; E Jun .This complex multiple choice question has been invading for a long time.
But love is not a multiple choice question, but a judgement question, not the best choice-because you will always have a chance to meet a better one, but to judge whether the other party is suitable for you by feeling and intuition.
Dating rule 3 makes love at first sight. At a party, a handsome man frequently looks at you. After a while, the host walks with him and says, “Come, let me introduce you .” Then you started a pleasant conversation.He is enthusiastic, profound, and funny, and you are deeply attracted to him.
Is he the right man?
Psychologists believe that we instinctively identify those who may become partners. This is a process that ancestors have embedded in our genes during billions of years of evolution.
Such instincts work even in the urban jungle of reinforced concrete in modern society.
Is it possible for him?
To answer this question, our brain only takes 3 minutes.
The first is appearance, to determine whether his appearance is attractive, usually no more than 1 second.
Too short, too tall, too old, too small, too dirty, too sloppy-out.
And if he passes this level, your brain will start to make the next judgment: his voice-this only takes a few seconds.
Some psychologists have found that women tend to replace men with men who think they speak faster, while men with low voices are more handsome than they really are.
The next step was the wording in his conversation.
We love men who have similar wording to themselves.
The wording reflects a person’s intelligence, education, social level, economic level, etc. Similar wording often means that we are “in charge of each other”.
At the same time, his clothes and hairstyles can also help.
Then, within 3 minutes, we can roughly feel whether we have a common language with each other, whether a certain topic progresses smoothly, and whether there is a sense of harmony and joy.
However, love at first sight does not happen to everyone.
There was a survey conducted by Israeli psychologists, and only 11% of the 493 people who participated in the survey have been in love since the first sight.
Psychologists have also found that the longer we spend with a person, the more we make him feel good-looking, smart, and have a common language with us.
So, even without falling in love at first sight, many people are worth a second look.
4 rules of dating ≠ suitable for you. Like many women, is it easy to fall in love with someone who is not suitable?
For example, in the temporary moment, bad men have a strong appeal to you. Like adrenaline, they inject vitality into a boring life, surprise you, and let you involuntarily wrap up love, and get along for a long time.Are you broken by the same type of man over and over again?
When you are lost and helpless, a stable and reliable, silent companion will make you enthralled, but after a long time, his whispering words make you feel dull and monotonous.
If you are a beloved pistachio and are used to sweeping away the melancholy emotions of others, then when you meet a man who needs someone to keep pumping up, you will feel very fulfilled and get along very well.Comfortable.
But when you encounter something unpleasant and you are not happy, he may not be able to give you the same emotional support you need.
Psychologists suggest that if you suspect that you have the wrong preference for a certain type of man, please list the outstanding characteristics of your past lovers and use 10 points to describe your ideal relationship.
But do n’t make it look like a shopping list, with features of 1.8 meters, tall nose and other “hardware”. Instead, you should elaborate on the “software” that you value, and do your best to take care of your feelings. They often laugh together when they are together, etc.Wait.
The purpose of this is to show that love is based on the interaction of two people’s characters, not one’s preference.
Dating rule 5 fell in love with him?
Still in love?
Hui’er made a new boyfriend and fell in love with him at first sight. After dating twice, she recognized that he was the true emperor who had been waiting for many years, so she went to bed willingly with him.
She told each of her friends happily how close their interests were, how their personalities fit, and how well they matched each other . just as she was looking forward with joy to her date, he said he was on a business tripTime, can’t contact her for now, call her when he comes back from a business trip.
She waited for 2 weeks and didn’t wait for his call. She called him, but he kept turning off, and the whole person seemed to disappear into the air.
Huier was very disappointed.
In fact, a large part of this disappointment was caused by herself. She took her fantasy and put it on him, thinking that she fell in love with him, but she actually loved her fantasy.
She ignored a very simple fact: she didn’t know each other at all!
Whether it’s your own fantasy or natural development, dating too fast can affect your ability to make objective judgments.
“If attachment is the glue of a relationship, then accelerated attachment is super glue,” said psychologist John Van Eppe.
It will make people willingly replace or minimize obvious problems, it will cover your eyes, paralyze your emotions, and disturb your hormones.
“Dating rule 6 tolerance?
Or give up?
A friend dated a personable, mature and stable man, but when she found out that he “suddenly” a fan of a female celebrity she hated most, he stomped on him without saying a word.
Another friend insisted on dating a man for 6 months, and even he and his previous girlfriends have been tangled up.
It can be seen that everyone cares differently and the level of tolerance is different.
Judging whether he is yours, this is both an art and a technique: you must be able to make every feature of him, while not neglecting a whole person.
Suppose you find that he has some deficiencies in the dating process. Should he be tolerated?
Or should I give up?
How to judge this shortcoming is just a small fault worthy of tolerance, or the ultimate killer of love?
Psychologist advice: If he repeatedly shows disrespect or irresponsibility to you, then it cannot be ignored, it will only get worse over time.
A good marriage basically comes from a happy date, so if you don’t get along well at the beginning, don’t expect that your date will gradually change miraculously.
Of course, in a good relationship, certain behaviors can be changed, which can give the other party a chance to change, for example, he will be absent-minded when talking to you, then you can appropriately remind him, “Sometimes I speak to youYou don’t seem to be listening.
“You may need to be reminded many times to change this habitual distraction.
But if it doesn’t work, you have to make a decision to see if you can accept it.
Dating rule 7 forces yourself to understand what you like, what suits you and what you need. This is a very important first step in successful dating. However, if you put yourself in the box of a schedule, you will probably miss a lot.Wonderful scenery.
Sometimes, you may need to force yourself to take a small step out of the “safe area” and do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
For example, you never date a foreigner, then nod your head to accept the next foreign man who is interested in you.
If you are used to starting dating again, you become very dependent on the other person, and you need to text him from time to time, then please hide your phone for a while.
If whenever your new lover starts to join the “future”, you always have the urge to interrupt him, then please raise this topic yourself.
Not all “extraordinary” can have successful results, but it is an opportunity to make yourself more insightful.
If you are single for longer than you expected, and the dating process is more tortuous than you expected, then this is a good opportunity.
You can learn more about your independent side and have more time to replace and expand into the life you want. The vitality and confidence you gain from it will attract those who love you like the fragrance of flowers.
Dating is a search in the sea of people, and dating is a self-discovery deep in the heart.